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Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Self Doubt

Self-doubt/Failure: Often times I find myself wondering what if and wondering what I'm actually capable of. Let me explain. I'm pretty smart, while I'm not MENSA material, I can hold my own in almost all areas of conversation and discussion. I'm a well rounded individual that loves science and has a desire to share that with the people around me. I have all this capability and yet I graduated college and instead of going to grad school I chose to start working for a little known company as a bench chemist.
So I've got a job. One that most of the time uses some form of my brain power. It's not overly taxing most of the time, but it's enough to keep me interested 9 times out of 10. But here is the problem. I have dreams. I have desires and most of all I have wishes. I would like to work for the CIA at some point in my life. I would like to work in congress (either as a senator, congresswoman, or an aide) bringing science back to the forefront of American thought. I would love to work for the UN and try to bring education and peace where there isn't any. But these are big hopes and dreams. They seem unattainable. And that is when my mind fills with doubt.
Do I have the ability to do these things? More than likely yes. At least I believe I do. But what I'm afraid of is that others look at my background and say, "She may have the abilities, but she doesn't have the education and she doesn't have the background for this." I find myself all too often dreaming and never taking action. Never following through.
Earlier this year I thought maybe my new year's resolution would be to follow through on some of the things I dream of. I would like to sell jewelry on the side. I would like to read books on the CIA list so that I can work towards applying to work there. I would like to finish projects that I start. I think my problem is that I have so many ideas and projects that I get overwhelmed trying to finish them. I don't want to limit myself because I want to take it all in. But what I'm afraid of, is that in the process of trying to achieve many things all at once, I'm failing to do any of it. I'm actually limiting my self because the scope is too large.
I'm afraid that I'm a failure. I will be stuck in a job that while I don't hate it, it's not everything that I'm capable of and that I will just be monotonous.
I feel that threat on the horizon.
Please comment, suggest, discuss, ridicule, etc...

Format: I like this solution. I think it will work, at least for the time being.

Juno: I have seen superbad, which is one reason I went to see Juno. It just seemed to have the same vibe and I was really hoping it would be just as good. I wasn't disappointed at all

His Dark Materials: Yes I did know that the Catholic church boycotted the movie. Which I guess from their stand point it was needed. But I have news for them, free speech and free rights. And frankly I find it quite funny from the following view; A man writes a book about how a religious organization is controlling and cruel and this book gets made into a movie. Then a religious organization decides that they should boycott the movie....hmmm....makes you think (or at least makes me laugh). Sorry to the Catholics out there that read this blog.

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