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Thursday, February 28, 2008

Paranoia Paranoia Everyone is Coming to Get Me

Failure - I feel the exact same way about my life, and I think if we had more people (glares at general public), we'd find that most people from our generation...or maybe most people in general have the exact same feeling. I think this all started when we were kids and we could do whatever we wanted when we grew up, and now here we are and we consider ourselves adults...we see ourselves as grown up, although obviously we know we have more maturing to do, we see it as our right to have the "whatever we want" job opportunity open to us. In my job right now, obviously this isn't what I'm going to be doing the rest of my life...I'm managing housekeeping at a nursing home? Yes, a career with my company is something to think about, but it's all about perception and communication and managing and while yes, I'm doing all of those things right now, I hardly see any of the above as particular skills of mine. Another problem is that things are stagnant right now, which is getting me down in the fact that everything is routine. Obviously, things change day to day but there are no new challenges, everything I do is eventually wiped clean (or in this case, dirty) and so I don't see any lasting effect to my work here. When I get into the field I want, programming, I think it'll be better because obviously I'll be working on projects which have a set time, and then I move on to the next project...the next set of challenges, and I'm actually creating something that lasts, something solid. Of my life goals (see ridiculous dream life post), most involve creating something - art, music, writing, architecture...something concrete that will last, that others will look at and say, Nathan created that. The power of my mind went from concept to actualization, that's my goal in life. I think that problem boils down patience, we're a gimme now society. For instance, Tori feels almost bitter about us having money problems. Myself, I grew up with my mom going to college full time, so I have some understanding of what it's like, but it is hard and I'll be the first to admit that I'd like a bit more money, but we're on our way and we could be worse off. Tori, however, grew up eating out two or three times a week, has a nice home and while her family has had money problems, it mostly didn't effect her. She didn't see her parents "making it" - struggling paycheck to paycheck just to pay rent and get groceries. We've had various adults tell us of their newly wed days when they lived in a car or whatever and how they eventually worked their way out. You speak of being failure or that a disappointment to yourself, and I see where you're coming from because here we are in our low 20s (you're 23, right?) and what have we accomplished? We're a quarter of the way through our lives and nothing we've done is worth anything. I'm ambitious too, but it's going to take time to get to wherever we want to go, at the same time though, we can't sit around and wait for our dreams to come true. We're going to have to go out and make our dreams come true. I already know that when I'm done with ITT and have a nice programming job, I'll probably go back to school and get more programming, keep buffing that resume so I can keep moving up. I don't particularly enjoy my job, but I'm not going to quit because loyalty is something that will be presented to future employers on that resume. My brother, Doug, he works at Google as an executive vice president...he makes six figures and he announced this past summer that he's going to go back to school, Stanford, and get more degrees and then start his own Internet company. He's only 28 right now! When he was our age he was in construction and toured with the National Rodeo. Five years is a long time. I think I might have lost the plot in my ramblings, maybe we need an editor, but anyways - that's my point, I think, that patience and ambition with perseverance will get us wherever we want to go, be it the CIA or just owning a bowling alley.

Juno (Michael Cera) - I've been a big fan of Michael Cera ever since he was on Arrested Development, he just seemed to own that awkward teen persona, and he definitely does. I'm interested to see where he can take his career from here though, if he has that kind of adaptive personality to be able to grow his resume from just that niche he's created for himself. I have no doubt that he immensely talented (ever see his Clark and Michael videos?), but it'll be interesting to see where he takes it from there.

Juno (Ellen Page) - Watch Hard Candy, it's intense and it really showcases her as an actress. She hosts SNL this weekend. I like her, I like her a lot...even in X-Men 3: The Last Stand.
I wish I had more to add on her, but she's a pretty fresh face in Hollywood and versatile to boot (again, see Hard Candy)...she'll be around for a while.

His Dark Materials (Religion) - I had the exact same reaction as you, that the Catholic church would boycott a book about a repressive religious group. My whole thing is, when it comes to religion, question everything! If I were a religious leader, I think I would encourage people to read opposing views, because I have the confidence in what I believe and I want them to have that too. I don't like the idea of blind faith, I like the idea that a faith is so well reasoned that even if you question it, is still comes out true. If someone's belief in the Catholic church is strong enough, then they'll dismiss His Dark Materials as a work of fiction, which it is, and continue with the dogmatic processes. Telling people how to act is just a sign of insecurity or weakness and it isn't becoming of anyone.

Format - I do indeed like this format, however, I think in order to encourage a fluid evolving conversation, topics shouldn't just be inclusive to their own topic...for instance, taking His Dark Materials into religion, just adding the parenthesis, like This is where I'm starting (and this is where I'm going), to keep things moving along. Obviously we can always back step to where we've been and we can skip around to wherever we want to go, but it's a start. I really wish we had more people, but I understand it does seem kind of silly in concept. Oh well, maybe someday. So that's what I've got for now - ta.

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