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Thursday, February 28, 2008

Paranoia Paranoia Everyone is Coming to Get Me

Failure - I feel the exact same way about my life, and I think if we had more people (glares at general public), we'd find that most people from our generation...or maybe most people in general have the exact same feeling. I think this all started when we were kids and we could do whatever we wanted when we grew up, and now here we are and we consider ourselves adults...we see ourselves as grown up, although obviously we know we have more maturing to do, we see it as our right to have the "whatever we want" job opportunity open to us. In my job right now, obviously this isn't what I'm going to be doing the rest of my life...I'm managing housekeeping at a nursing home? Yes, a career with my company is something to think about, but it's all about perception and communication and managing and while yes, I'm doing all of those things right now, I hardly see any of the above as particular skills of mine. Another problem is that things are stagnant right now, which is getting me down in the fact that everything is routine. Obviously, things change day to day but there are no new challenges, everything I do is eventually wiped clean (or in this case, dirty) and so I don't see any lasting effect to my work here. When I get into the field I want, programming, I think it'll be better because obviously I'll be working on projects which have a set time, and then I move on to the next project...the next set of challenges, and I'm actually creating something that lasts, something solid. Of my life goals (see ridiculous dream life post), most involve creating something - art, music, writing, architecture...something concrete that will last, that others will look at and say, Nathan created that. The power of my mind went from concept to actualization, that's my goal in life. I think that problem boils down patience, we're a gimme now society. For instance, Tori feels almost bitter about us having money problems. Myself, I grew up with my mom going to college full time, so I have some understanding of what it's like, but it is hard and I'll be the first to admit that I'd like a bit more money, but we're on our way and we could be worse off. Tori, however, grew up eating out two or three times a week, has a nice home and while her family has had money problems, it mostly didn't effect her. She didn't see her parents "making it" - struggling paycheck to paycheck just to pay rent and get groceries. We've had various adults tell us of their newly wed days when they lived in a car or whatever and how they eventually worked their way out. You speak of being failure or that a disappointment to yourself, and I see where you're coming from because here we are in our low 20s (you're 23, right?) and what have we accomplished? We're a quarter of the way through our lives and nothing we've done is worth anything. I'm ambitious too, but it's going to take time to get to wherever we want to go, at the same time though, we can't sit around and wait for our dreams to come true. We're going to have to go out and make our dreams come true. I already know that when I'm done with ITT and have a nice programming job, I'll probably go back to school and get more programming, keep buffing that resume so I can keep moving up. I don't particularly enjoy my job, but I'm not going to quit because loyalty is something that will be presented to future employers on that resume. My brother, Doug, he works at Google as an executive vice president...he makes six figures and he announced this past summer that he's going to go back to school, Stanford, and get more degrees and then start his own Internet company. He's only 28 right now! When he was our age he was in construction and toured with the National Rodeo. Five years is a long time. I think I might have lost the plot in my ramblings, maybe we need an editor, but anyways - that's my point, I think, that patience and ambition with perseverance will get us wherever we want to go, be it the CIA or just owning a bowling alley.

Juno (Michael Cera) - I've been a big fan of Michael Cera ever since he was on Arrested Development, he just seemed to own that awkward teen persona, and he definitely does. I'm interested to see where he can take his career from here though, if he has that kind of adaptive personality to be able to grow his resume from just that niche he's created for himself. I have no doubt that he immensely talented (ever see his Clark and Michael videos?), but it'll be interesting to see where he takes it from there.

Juno (Ellen Page) - Watch Hard Candy, it's intense and it really showcases her as an actress. She hosts SNL this weekend. I like her, I like her a lot...even in X-Men 3: The Last Stand.
I wish I had more to add on her, but she's a pretty fresh face in Hollywood and versatile to boot (again, see Hard Candy)...she'll be around for a while.

His Dark Materials (Religion) - I had the exact same reaction as you, that the Catholic church would boycott a book about a repressive religious group. My whole thing is, when it comes to religion, question everything! If I were a religious leader, I think I would encourage people to read opposing views, because I have the confidence in what I believe and I want them to have that too. I don't like the idea of blind faith, I like the idea that a faith is so well reasoned that even if you question it, is still comes out true. If someone's belief in the Catholic church is strong enough, then they'll dismiss His Dark Materials as a work of fiction, which it is, and continue with the dogmatic processes. Telling people how to act is just a sign of insecurity or weakness and it isn't becoming of anyone.

Format - I do indeed like this format, however, I think in order to encourage a fluid evolving conversation, topics shouldn't just be inclusive to their own topic...for instance, taking His Dark Materials into religion, just adding the parenthesis, like This is where I'm starting (and this is where I'm going), to keep things moving along. Obviously we can always back step to where we've been and we can skip around to wherever we want to go, but it's a start. I really wish we had more people, but I understand it does seem kind of silly in concept. Oh well, maybe someday. So that's what I've got for now - ta.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Self Doubt

Self-doubt/Failure: Often times I find myself wondering what if and wondering what I'm actually capable of. Let me explain. I'm pretty smart, while I'm not MENSA material, I can hold my own in almost all areas of conversation and discussion. I'm a well rounded individual that loves science and has a desire to share that with the people around me. I have all this capability and yet I graduated college and instead of going to grad school I chose to start working for a little known company as a bench chemist.
So I've got a job. One that most of the time uses some form of my brain power. It's not overly taxing most of the time, but it's enough to keep me interested 9 times out of 10. But here is the problem. I have dreams. I have desires and most of all I have wishes. I would like to work for the CIA at some point in my life. I would like to work in congress (either as a senator, congresswoman, or an aide) bringing science back to the forefront of American thought. I would love to work for the UN and try to bring education and peace where there isn't any. But these are big hopes and dreams. They seem unattainable. And that is when my mind fills with doubt.
Do I have the ability to do these things? More than likely yes. At least I believe I do. But what I'm afraid of is that others look at my background and say, "She may have the abilities, but she doesn't have the education and she doesn't have the background for this." I find myself all too often dreaming and never taking action. Never following through.
Earlier this year I thought maybe my new year's resolution would be to follow through on some of the things I dream of. I would like to sell jewelry on the side. I would like to read books on the CIA list so that I can work towards applying to work there. I would like to finish projects that I start. I think my problem is that I have so many ideas and projects that I get overwhelmed trying to finish them. I don't want to limit myself because I want to take it all in. But what I'm afraid of, is that in the process of trying to achieve many things all at once, I'm failing to do any of it. I'm actually limiting my self because the scope is too large.
I'm afraid that I'm a failure. I will be stuck in a job that while I don't hate it, it's not everything that I'm capable of and that I will just be monotonous.
I feel that threat on the horizon.
Please comment, suggest, discuss, ridicule, etc...

Format: I like this solution. I think it will work, at least for the time being.

Juno: I have seen superbad, which is one reason I went to see Juno. It just seemed to have the same vibe and I was really hoping it would be just as good. I wasn't disappointed at all

His Dark Materials: Yes I did know that the Catholic church boycotted the movie. Which I guess from their stand point it was needed. But I have news for them, free speech and free rights. And frankly I find it quite funny from the following view; A man writes a book about how a religious organization is controlling and cruel and this book gets made into a movie. Then a religious organization decides that they should boycott the movie....hmmm....makes you think (or at least makes me laugh). Sorry to the Catholics out there that read this blog.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Back again...

Good evening, and how are we tonight? Fine - thanks for asking.

Astrology: So this is a fun topic because there are so many fine points to it - I mean, first, do you believe in the concept of it all? I'm not talking about your sign and your given personality - I'm talking about the concept of the stars...not necessarily affecting the future, but at least affecting the present, if not our personalities? I mean - huge celestial beings, regardless of distance from our own developing minds have go to be doing something, right? Gravity still pulls, no matter how slight, regardless of distance. I don't particularly buy into the sign crap or any of the divination side of things either, but the concept of having an effect is undeniable. However, I think it's more than likely much too complex for any human to figure out, especially considering gravity seems to work faster than the speed of light - do you know how hard it would be to calculate the ACTUAL location of various celestial bodies at any given time given simply their current position as it APPEARS to us - it's mind boggling! The closest star is 20 light years away! The sun is eight minutes away! I can't even wrap my mind around the possibilities - and we haven't even uncovered 1% of this universe. There is so much more to learn, that's a fact.

New Topic - Biirdie. So I have this adorable band from California that I recommend to just about anyone who will listen - they are called Biirdie and they just came out with their second album, Catherine Avenue and it's a great listen, so I'd recommend Google-ing them and purchasing both albums (only $20 when bought together) and maybe sending them an e-mail trying to get them to tour outside of California (okay - that one is more for me than anything).

That's what I got for now - back to work. Ta.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

New Life List Entry: Attend Music Festival (minimum 100 bands)

Past posts: Honestly, you didn't miss much in terms of posts. I kind of drifted off into my own realm which you are welcome to re-incarnate, but no worries, I'm sure I'll bring them all back up in due time anyways.

Prison: The problem with attempting to make prison less appealing than being homeless is that, regardless of what we do - free food and shelter are better than not, and you can't make someone work and we have to provide those two key things. Prison will always be a better option than being homeless. However, I think you're absolutely right, a focused work program that comes with rewards and benefits will definitely be the first step towards better rehabilitation, not to mention any production by the prisoners will come at little to no cost to the producer which makes it a prime acquisition for any company...since this whole topic started with privatization anyways. I think this problem goes much deeper than just that though, as a solution - I mean, to combat the overcrowding and such, complete prison reform is really necessary, but honestly - how high is that on your priority list? With the war, economy and hot topic issues like gay marriage and abortion headlining campaign lists, where does prison even rank? It's so low on the radar right now, reform would be damn near impossible.

Format: As for blog format, I think I have come up with a solution - topic headlines. Quite simply, when discussing a topic, just bold a given title so that when we get more people and perhaps they don't want to talk about prison but they want to talk about Juno (later), they can scroll down until they see a bold "Juno" and just read that topic. This will make it more user friendly and easier to join in for new members. For new topics, I recommend we use a New Topic - Chivalry is dead, and then from there on the topic will just be known as Chivalry. Make sense? Obviously, I think these formats will kind of evolve themselves into the most efficient for whomever is posting at the time, but this is a start. A kind of guideline, which I think are necessary for any good group to function well.

His Dark Materials: I'm about half way through, maybe a little more, of the Subtle Knife - I swear, these books are blowing my mind. For the first time, I have no idea where this book is going - I'm clueless. Each turn is a better and better one, this discussion will likely continue when I'm done. In regards to the movie, I'm also torn. On one hand, The Golden Compass is an excellent story, but the promise of continuing the series in movie form seems almost impossible. One, supposedly they removed any religious material, and while that may be all well and good for TGC, it won't work for any of the other novels and that's a fact. Next, I don't think it did very well financially, although honestly I don't know, so the sequels are unlikely. Finally, did you know the Catholic church boycotted the film? Really - not because of the religious views of the movie itself, but because it will encourage kids to read the books. It's kind of sad that most religions are scared to even give their members a different point of view, but that belongs in a religion topic.

Juno: Juno indeed was a very sweet, endearing movie. In my own mind, it completes the pregnancy three: Saved!, Knocked Up, and finally, Juno. I'm a big Michael Cera fan, ever since Arrested Development, honestly, so that was quite pleasant seeing him. Have you seen Superbad?

Thanks: actually, it's meeting time for me, this will be posted later along with Astrology.


Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Trying to catch up

I will admit that I haven't read all of the past posts, because one I'm at work and it would take too much time and two I'm kinda far behind. But I'll choose now to respond to what I have read.

My response will first go to Tyler's thoughts on prison. I think that there is an idea there. Maybe if the prisoners had to work to get things like cable privileges. Those who don't work get things taken away. At that point it would work much like being out of prison and it may end up being more rehabilitation that they get right now. But I also agree with Nathan that for the most part we need to make prison less appealing than being homeless. I've always said that if I got really hard up for money I would commit a crime because jail would be more cushy than being homeless. There's something wrong with being able to hold that philosophy.

As for the current format of the blog? I see nothing wrong with it. Responding via the comment board would work, but at the same time it might make it harder to see when posts are made. Whereas with the current system it is easy to see if there has been a new post or not. If we want to change that's fine, and maybe there was something in the other posts about changing (i'll look), but there's my two cents.

The His Dark Materials series rocks! I waited three years for the third book to be released, so just be glad that you can read all three at once :) I haven't seen the Golden Compass movie and am somewhat reluctant to do so, although the fact that Daniel Craig is in it makes it very tempting. I'll probably rent it when it comes out on DVD (which I'll have to do now because it's not in theaters anymore)

On a side note the movie Juno was awesome. I really recommend that everyone go see it. It was funny and heartwarming and it made me want to watch it again as soon as it was done.

I'm thankful for my friends and family and the ability to live in a country that despite the patriot act gives us more freedoms than most of the rest of the world.

Well I think that summarizes most of the posts that I haven't responded too. At least the recent ones. As for new and better topics, I think we should discuss the topic of astrology, and I have a lot to say, but I will save it for a later date. Until then ta!