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Thursday, August 9, 2007

I get by with a little help from my friends

So I finally get to come back to humanity. I will be leaving Utah soon. As much as I’ve hated it here it’s become routine. But I’m ready for it to end. I want my routine to be with my friends. It’s lonely out here and out of all the things I’ve struggled with since being here that is the one that is the worst. Being alone is so absolute. You are cut off from everything you hold dear and everything that you’ve known. It’s a helplessness that even I can’t solve, or deal with. Don’t get me wrong, I have dealt or I wouldn’t be writing this, but there is a real emptiness that comes with being lonely. A few years ago, I wouldn’t have been saying this because I didn’t have any great attachment to anyone except for maybe my parents. However, I finally made some friends that weren’t just pretending to be my friends and after living with each other day in and day out we bonded to what I would consider a family even greater than a biological family. I’ve learned that you DO get to choose your family just not in the way we often think we should be able to. I have a circle that would drop everything to get to me. They call me every night for a week just so they can tell me they love me and that they can’t wait to see me. If that’s not family what is? We fight, oh do we fight at times. I think I’ve had it out with all the members of my new found family. But through that fighting we’ve grown and gotten closer and learned things about each other that we wouldn’t learn otherwise. And the make up sessions, well let’s just say a bottle of rum in a car in a parking lot isn’t so bad when you have the right family to share it with.

The moral of the story is I get to return to that family. The people that I don’t always get along with, and we may disagree at times, but they are the ones I WANT to return to. You start off with a family that is chosen for you, but then you get to find your own family. A place where you belong, where you are loved for who you are. Not because you were born to them and they feel obligated to, but because you are simply you with no strings attached.

In addition to being sappy I am providing some lyrics for the week. I fell in love with this song immediately after hearing it. I’ve been on a really big kick of the fact that there is no such thing as a happily ever after and it just so happens I heard this song shortly after reigniting my thoughts on happy endings. The artist is a woman/girl by the name of Sarah Bareilles. I heard her single Love Song (which is awesome too) on the radio station I have been listening to out here in Utah and went back to my hotel and bought the album. It’s really good, I recommend that you at least check out the single Love Song (it was one of the free singles of the week on itunes, I don’t know if it’s still available for free or not, but you could check). So here are the lyrics to a song called Fairytale, by Sarah Bareilles:

Cinderella’s on her bedroom floor she’s got a
Crush on the guy at the liquor store
‘Cause Mr. Charming don’t come home anymore
And she forgets why she came here.
Sleeping Beauty’s in a foul mood
For shame she says
None for you dear prince, I’m tired today
I’d rather sleep my whole life away then have you
Keep me from dreaming

‘Cause I don’t care for your fairytales
you’re so worried about the maiden though you know
she’s only waiting on the next best thing

Snow White’s doin’ dishes again ‘cause
What else can you do
With seven itty-bitty men?
Sends them to bed calls up a friend, says
Will you meet me at midnight?
The tall blonde lets out a cry of despair says,
I would have cut it myself if I knew men
Could climb hair
I’ll have to find another town somewhere
And keep away from the windows.

‘Cause I don’t care for your fairytales
you’re so worried about the maiden though you know
she’s only waiting on the next best thing

Once upon a time in a far away kingdom
Man made up a story said I should believe him
Go tell your knight he’s handsome in hindsight
But I don’t want the next best thing
So I sing and hold my head down
And I break these walls around me
Can’t take no more of your fairytale love

‘Cause I don’t care for your fairytales
you’re so worried about the maiden though you know
she’s only waiting on the next best thing
I don’t care
I don’t care
You worry about the maiden though you know
She’s only waiting spent her whole life being graded
On the sanctity of patience
And a dumb appreciation
But the story needs some mending and a better happy ending
‘Cause I don’t want the next best thing
No I don’t want the next best thing.

Hope you enjoyed the lyrics. I’ll write more later. Ta!


Rae Wood said...

Just so you know, I am currently crying. Thanks... JERK... just kidding it is a good cry that single tear that runs out of the corner of your eye racing down your face trying to get back into your heart. Bringing a stream of warmth between your brain and heart. Really a great feeling!

Rae Wood said...

Also I wanted to let you know that the music video for that is really fun too. Cant wait one more day until I get to see you.. PS i have a new fav. drink. Root beer and vanilla vodka! It tastes like a root beer float!