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Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Modern Man's Hustle

Happy Halloween all, what’s your costume? I'm a housekeeping manager and a student - creatures of the night, for sure. So my last post asked the pressing question - what is your dream future? Well, the key to my response is the number three - as in branches of my enterprise, places of residence and children. What I've prepared to write up here is quite the impressive guru lifestyle - prepare to be impressed.

First, a brief history lesson - Speedway bought the Republican party (presidential nods are only 25000 Speedy Reward Points, dinner at Applebee's is still 32000), the Democratic party went bankrupt and President Google has denied the party of welfare benefits. During World War III, China briefly controlled the world, however after finding that the rest of the world was lazy, they only kept Japan. North America reformed into a solid union, but they just combined Canada with Alaska and Mexico with New Mexico because nobody wanted to try to rewrite "fifty nifty..." In Europe, Prussia rose from the ashes of the European Union and has become an industrious powerhouse. Oh yeah - Disney bought Cuba and Taco Bell bought the moon. Oh, the future!

Now, I realize I asked for a future without resource limitations, but I don't se myself being happy without being a productive (warning - relative term) member of society. Thus, I am the sole owner of Hart Enterprises. Hart Enterprises is broken into three branches - Driftwood Media, Sandbox Amusements and Lynx Athletics.

At the core of my enterprise in Driftwood Media which has become the epitome of cultural advancement. Starting with a small music store with a cheap recording studio in the back, Driftwood Media was born from these humble beginnings known as Colby F Records (home to such powerhouse bands as The Covers, The Smiling Politely and Captain Bringdown and the Buzzkillers). Driftwood Media went on to encompass, either through creation within or corporate merging, Evergreen Publishing (books), Classic Horror Productions (movies) and it's subsidy, Gondry Pictures, Fairchild Galleries (art), Kahlan Designs (fashion) and after purchasing a portion of Fox, the Primetime Animation Network which features the Simpsons, Futurama, Family Guy, and the Critic twenty-four/seven. Driftwood Media also includes a computer department known primarily as Arrested Development, which headed the development of the Daemon gaming console and it's successful sequel, the Hexed-Daemon system (with six times the computing power). A software division within Arrested Development is known as Bad Hair Games and is a leader in it's own respective field.

International headquarters are located in Cleveland, OH in a twin tower complex known as Nona and Myra. On the first floor of the Nona Tower, one can find the original Colby F Records as well as a Fairchild Gallery and a Salt Lick restaurant around the back. There is also a single entrance into the exclusively hip underground bar, Moderation. In the second tower, Myra, houses the world's first fully automated valet parking garage. With the exception of Fairchild Galleries, which can be found worldwide, every Driftwood Media company is housed entirely within the two towers, in addition to offices for Driftwood Media's sister companies, Sandbox Amusements and Lynx Athletics.

Sandbox Amusements was the cornerstone to my company's growth during Driftwood Media's rebellious teenage years. Sandbox Amusement is, again, divided tree ways into Skylark Park, Pembrook Hospitality and Earphoria Electronics. Skylark Park is a trend setting amusement park in Louisiana, which has come to dominate it's region and plans of new parks in Australia and Germany are planned. Pembrook Hospitality runs Talim Hotel Towers and Dragonfly Inns, in addition to Salt Lick restaurants and Moderation bars globally. Earphoria Electronics, a home theater designer which specializes in digital sound excellence.

The final chapter in the Hart Enterprises trilogy is Lynx Athletics which is still in it's infant stages of development. Currently the company focuses on bowling equipment (balls, shoes, bags, clothing, etc...) but they are currently working on the latest in lane technology - a project code named Alice (Automated Lanes Integrated Coaching Entity). The premise behind Alice is simple - better bowling through knowledge. The present center points of the Alice is in the patented replay and analysis system, giving individualized coaching to every player based on technique, statistics and lane conditions. Alice Lanes are networked together to provide in depth information nationwide. Alice has been coveted as a breakthrough for the sport. However, the future is still uncertain for Lynx Industries as they continue to attempt to expand their market. Executives are rumored to be looking into the purchase of an NFL team while other reports indicate the desire to open an indoor football league. Either way, success is all but guaranteed, we'll just have to wait and see what the future holds.

So that is my guru future - kind of a mix of a business profile and a personal look into my fictional, futuristic world - sorry for the combination of styles, might have been a bit confusing but I think you all get the point.

Now as every successful businessman knowns, besides the grocery list of business ventures, the whole point of that ridiculous company profile is living gloriously and hence - three homes! We (my family and I) have a country home in Michigan, an apartment at the top of Nona Tower in Cleveland, and a houseboat normally docked in Miami, FL which we use to relax around the Caribbean and Gulf of Mexico every summer. The first home is used by the family nine months out of the year as the children go to school and whatnot, however during the autumn months I spend many weeknights in the Cleveland crib, running the business and the what have you. For Christmas the entire family comes to Cleveland to spend the holidays in the city and most fall weekends are spent flying across the nation as we are Miami Dolphin season ticket holders, naturally. For the remainder of the school year, the entire family stays together in the Michigan home. The summers are spent either on our boat or simply traveling around the globe visiting the wonders the world has to offer.

Now let's go through home by home and examine what makes each one unique - now I'm not going to bore you with a virtual walk through, just a brief description of some of the unique features of each and then we'll move on. Starting in Michigan, we have an impressive amount of land right on the coast of Lake Michigan. The breakfast nook on the first floor, shaped as a hexagon, extends upwards to form a lighthouse which is the focal point from the lake shore. We have a river that gently weaves it's way around the house, coming from a natural spring at the highpoint on the grounds and after cascading gently down a brick wall and then through a watermill connected to our guest house, it ripples its away through the thickly wooded front yard, beneath an old fashioned covered wooden bridge and after a moment of wide rapids, it joins the Great Lake. The house itself is built upon a hill, facing east and has two visible stories with a third hidden within the roof and a basement. The backyard is centered around an hourglass shaped swimming pool, shallow in the east and deep in the west with an underwater bar centered in the deep end. The floor of the shallow side is actually made of a thick clear polyurethane which makes up the sloping ceiling of the basement, giving the basement a unique tropical feel. The basement itself also has a fully stocked bar, in addition to a complete video library with movie theater style projection screen, a pool table, dart boards, a few choice arcade games and a small stage available for performances. There is also a recording studio beneath the staircase. The first floor has a generous banquet hall where we host our annual Christmas concert (the weekend after Thanksgiving). The kitchen is made up of the most modern appliances and solid marble counter tops (including bar style island) and the sunlight walkway out to the breakfast nook on the Northeastern point of the home. Finishing the first floor is the entry room with it's vaulted ceiling and grand staircase beneath super bulb chandelier, a library filled with wall after wall of bookcase and gorgeous fireplace, and even a secret room (pull the right book in the library...) which is known as the music library, more on this later. The second floor is made up of two studies (one for myself and another for Tori), the master bedroom and bathroom, and a balcony overseeing the pool and country night sky. The third floor is for the children, three bedrooms and a bathroom along with a study for them to do their homework. The roof is comprised entirely of solar panels which power the house, with a little extra to sell make to the county. The only remaining feature is the three car garage with a pair of bowling lanes across the back.

Our Cleveland apartment is, again, three stories. Located as the top three floors of the Nona tower, the apartment overlooks the entire city. The elevators opens to the second floor which is made up entirely of windows overlooking. On the first floor we find the master bedroom and bathroom along with a joint study for when we're in the city, the kitchen and dining room (studio designed). The third floor has four bedrooms (one for guests, three for the kids) and a bathroom for them to share. The only room on the second floor is a sports lounge stocked with full bar, bowling lanes and a Miami Dolphins paint scheme to make you queasy. All this in addition to the latest Daemon gaming system and latest version of Madden to go with our HD flat panel TV and fully surround sound from Earphoria. This sports lounge also houses the music library control panel (more on that later).

Finally, we have our houseboat. Honestly, this is probably our most modest residential investment. The catamaran style boat has two floors plus the cabin. The bottom floor is made up of bedrooms and bathrooms while the second floor is the kitchen and eating area. Most nights are spent sleeping on deck so little space is needed for living below. In the cabin we find the final music library control panel. Now, that music library control panel - I have a lot of music, right? I'm wealthy enough to disregard resources so it's only safe to assume that I have even more music, right? Well - all of this music is loaded onto a super computer located in the Michigan home. This music library is available to me anywhere worldwide thanks to a complex network of satellites I own thanks to my television network. The houseboat and Cleveland apartment have receivers hooked up to said satellites and hence, have access to my entire music library. Every room in every home has speakers built in - and with the music library control panel, every room can be playing a custom play list or sync up and play from the same play list! Oh the possibilities... So that is my living situation without resources...moving on.

My children - Tori and I have had three kids and while I won't go into details as doing so would make all this quite improbable since we cannot control the outcome of our procreation (yet) and thus, I shall only speculate on names and possible order. Our first child, a boy, will be named August Always and our second, another boy will Patrick Royce. Our third and final child, Veda Fairchild, will be our only girl.

Now comes the big question - this kind of unreasonable 'dreaming,' is it healthy? Is it natural? Should I just live in the now and see what happens? What this at all interesting to anyone but myself? I would like to do this in another five years to see how things have changed, how dreams evolved, etc...

Another topic, because I clearly have ADD - what are your thoughts on Astrology? Or, more specifically, the concept of the stars and other universal beings effected your personality? You all better start talking or I'm going to bury you in side topics. Sorry for the novel-esque post, shorter next time (but no promises). Ta.

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