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Friday, January 9, 2009

Everything is Borrowed

Greetings everyone. My apologies for the lack of updates, I was on holidays, of sorts. I've been about 33% busy, 33% lazy and 33% distracted. However, here I am and I'm just going to jump into a few random thoughts here.

So I ran into the grandparents of a former bowling friend of mine and it got me thinking - what about all the people who have been a part of our lives, that we no longer think about or come in contact with? I think it's very definite that people come in and out of our lives very fluidly, and looking back, I see a lot of faces (not so many names, I'm afraid) that have a clear effect on our lives and yet...we never see or speak to them. Things have obviously changed in our generation with advent of the Internet and the prominence of things like facebook and what have you, but still, things are not as continuous as I think I would like. There are a few specific people, or times, I like to go back to and reflect on from the third person. Kind of watch my life and be able to learn more from it, take more from it.
--The first time I'd like to go to would be high school, I believe Junior year, when I spent my lunches with some random person I had geography with. I wasn't particularly attracted to her and we didn't really talk, I just spent time with her. It was very odd and thinking back now, I really have no idea of the true nature of our relationship. When we'd stand in the hallway, it was in such a position that one could naturally assume we were a couple, but I never thought that way...or at least I don't think I did. I wasn't blogging at this point, so I have no basis to which I can refer back to and know what I was thinking at the time. We never spent any time outside of school together, or even any time outside of our one class and then lunches. I really baffles me, the whole conundrum. I'll probably bust out my yearbooks soon and at least get a name so I can look her up on facebook.
--The second time I'd like to go to is the summer between high school and college when I first withdrew from my Kalamazoo life and at the same time, try to connect with as much as possible with it. While my intent in college was to get away from Kalamazoo and everything here, I think subconsciously I desperately tried to grab hold of a lot of things here and I think I ruined at least one friendship, if not more. I managed to get close to a friend throughout the summer and eventually it turned slightly romantic as I was leaving, but then we quickly broke it off and I wouldn't consider it (and I know she doesn't) as anything more than a friendship gone sour. Then I withdrew from the friends I had formed through bowling. Even when I came back in town, I never bothered to contact or get a hold of any of them up until just recently when I even remembered them. And it's not like I forgot the friendship was there once, but rather, I guess I didn't value it enough to put forth any effort to it. Finally, there's Erin...the Steak'n'Shake waitress that I often wonder about. It was very odd, the relationship we had, because I think to me - she was completely enchanting, and to her...I was just there. She was about 5 years older than me and I couldn't tell you why she spent time with me, but she did. Another one I didn't bother contacting once I got back in town, although she popped up from time to time since then, either by finding me or just random collisions here in Kalamazoo. Getting back in touch with her would be near impossible though, seeing as she didn't have a computer or even a TV when I knew her then, and it's not like I have a last name or anything (she gave me tons of mementos, so I'm sure if I tried I could find it...but that's a battle not for 1:30 in the morning). I'd like to know more about that, and I think I'd take the chance and actually talk to her straight up since it seems like a safe option from here. She was already an adult at the time, and I think I'm getting there.
--On the point of friendships from the past and whatnot, I'd like to send out an apology to Jana because while she's been back in the Zoo for a while, we are yet to hook up. Now she hasn't called me, but obviously, it's a two-way street and I'm just as guilty for not getting together. It's not that I don't want to, in my mind, I'd love it...but quite frankly, I'm never sitting around thinking - I should hang out with Jana right now. I never think that, I'm never going to think that, and that's just it...I like my friends, I just never want to put in the effort to spend time with them. Only Josh is the exception to the rule. 90% of the time, if Jana called me, I'd be game and I bet the opposite is true too. I don't know, I guess it's one of those things that adults just learn to deal with. Maybe that's why adults have so many parties where they just stand around and talk...because they don't ever spend time with friends otherwise. Bizarre, all the parties I go to revolve around Rock Band and/or card games that revolve around drinking.
So that's what I've got on that topic...feel free to interject. Also, while thinking of Erin, I went back and read some of my 2003 and 2004 posts from Blurty, just to see if I say anything of use to my search and...yeah, nothing. I actually couldn't find a mention of her in 2003 at all, although I know that's when we met. Anyways, reading that, I was a very angry individual, wasn't I? Very bitter towards the world. Very odd to think of myself that was, as I haven't really noticed that big a of a change in myself (you tell me - am I still bitter?).

So on to my second topic, which is actually going to roll off like a serious of questions as my mind comes to them. I read a stupid headline on a tabloid today that said, "The End of Days began on Jan. 1" This made me think - technically speaking, didn't the End of Days begin at the dawn of man? I mean, everything's end begins as soon as they begin...the beginning leads to the end. Nothing begins and doesn't end, endings are inevitable to everything that exists. This lead me to further thoughts - what do you think will be the end of man? Will we actually die - cease to exist? Or do you think its possible that man will eventually take another great evolutionary step and this would be the step between man and whatever takes our place? Adding on to that, is it possible that we are responsible for our own evolutionary progress? Instead of just random selection and nature controlling our future attributes. Continuing on the evolved man thought process - will the future of man look at us and our history as part of their own heritage, or merely just a stepping stone like we think of the Neanderthals? Can't you just see some future generation saying things likes, "they discovered nano-physics" the way we say, "they discovered fire." Back to the man-made we continue on the genome project and explore our own DNA and what makes us, what traits where, etc...wouldn't it possible, in addition to eliminating birth defects that we can add strengths not currently in existence? Who's to say we won't discover a way to add two more arms, standard, or a second set of eyes...perhaps a more efficient brain, more computer like - where it has the same capacity and operating power, but more organized. Also - will the 'normalization' of human DNA result in a complete lack of creativity or diversity to the point where innovation becomes non-existent? Will the perfection of mankind be it's downfall? What could even imagine as the next evolutionary state? I have no idea. I do think its safe to say that Earth will be here, and be able to support some form of life, long after we have completed our time here and I think that's something that is often forgotten. We are not an ends...we are a means. There is, based on the fact that the universe is continuously expanding, no end - only means.

So those are my thoughts for the night. In 2009, I'm hoping to write more here (and elsewhere) and hear more you guys as well. What does everyone else think about these questions? Later.

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